Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
