he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
