Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
