You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
