we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there was a trapeze. enough said
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
