nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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