My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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