I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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