so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
