what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
