Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
