he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
