also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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