I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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