no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
