he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
