so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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