dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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