everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
