I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The beer is more important than you right now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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