Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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