The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
