He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize