In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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