toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
