When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
