"it" just moved
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
