Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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