HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
