I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
