So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
