What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
