So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
