OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
