It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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