I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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