i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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