WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
