Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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