No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize