Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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