just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
