She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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