he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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