it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
