Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
