You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
