i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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