Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
