And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
