the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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