I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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