Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
