Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
