FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
