Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
