You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
