i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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