I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
